My fingers are tangled in ivy
But I still feel the tears falling
My feet are rooted in the forest
But my mind is a million miles away
As I gaze cautiously at the sky
Everything is blurred.
I spin. Taking in the universe
Tangling myself in undergrowth
I trip and fall. Throw my arms out.
I rip free of the tongues of ivy,
Land fully on my palms
Wrists scrapping against a fallen log
I bleed.
The red brings painful gasps
Pieces of glass have lodged themselves
Deep in my lungs. Aching.
My chest threatens to tear open.
I scramble to my feet
Holding my battered wrists
To my aching chest.
Where did this pain come from?
The tally marks
Etched in my skin
Itch.
Sit there
Staring at me and
Throb.
I can remember
Sitting there will all the
Blood
I remember the joy it brought
I think I remember
Smiling
You’ll never fully
Understand.
I used to think I could reach perfection.
Perfect in my mind
Perfectly scarred
Perfectly thin
Perfectly free.
But…..
I couldn’t.
The past held me like a desperate friend
The flashbacks brought me gasping to my knees.
Searing tears streaming angrily down my face
Firsts curled ready to inflict pain
The present held me firmly, insisting I stay
“Here, place this against your skin and pull.
Again. Again. Keep going.”
All I could do was obey
The future told me I’d be pretty.
One day I’d see more of my hips
Just one small thing…
No more food.
When all else failed the future told me
I
Will I keep drowning?
Or will i be saved.
Will everything get better.
Or will everything keep crashing.
Never going to win,
Just going to keep committing this sin.
Anything better i could do?
Yeah i have you.
But hows that supposed to be solved?
It feels like your so far away,
Nothing about that you can say.
I guess soon ill be okay.
I cant take it anymore,
The laughs,
The looks,
The comments.
Everything is just piling on top of each other,
One after another.
I try and ignore it,
But it's not working.
It's just sticking to me.
I just want to run away,
Away from all the problems,
And never come back.
How can you not think it?
When your the outcast out of all your friends.
When the way you look affects our mood.
Everyone seems to lie to make you feel better.
But you know the truth.
Insecure,
Are you prettier than her?
Everything falls out of place,
But it's not going the right way.
They all complain that they're so fat,
What are they looking at?
Just tell them to look at you and stop complaining.
How can you act like your strong,
When something always gets in the way.
You try and act like everything's okay.
When I close my eyes and listen to the sound of silence I hear my thoughts running in circles, fading into the distance before slamming back into the part of my mind I can understand,
And I comprehend
Each little voice that I hear
Comes loud and clear
But there are thousands of these little voices screaming at my brain
I’m going insane
From all the noise that happens in my mind
If I could only find
A little moment of peace,
But not silence because in silence these thoughts are louder and circle faster, pacing through my brain at double speed
And all I need
Is just to quiet down my mind,
Shut up my thoughts in a little box somewhere in
I need my own! I'm tired of sharing
When all around me are less than "caring"
They have their own, but where is mine?
My fame and fortune; my time to shine?
I'm not spoiled; instead I'm grateful
Living with some that are oh so hateful...
I've done my part to please them so
But time has changed and I must go!
I once was young, but now I've grown
I'll leave this place and get my own
No more will I fight for a chance to have
My time in sun and times to laugh
You take your stuff and leave me be
WIthout you here, I can just be me.
She hated you with a burn so hot she couldn't control it. With a gaze that made you shift under its attention. She never wanted you near, did anything to push you away, out of her life.
She shoved so hard that your bones broke and something inside you shattered. You became angry, mean, and self destructive. Being near her made you ache and quake with something worse than rage. You stopped seeing her. You just couldn't stand to see the face that broke you with hate. You turned inward searching for the piece she despised so you could rip it out. You wanted to tear yourself limb from limb looking for the offensive part of your soul. Yo
When I close my eyes and listen to the sound of silence I hear my thoughts running in circles, fading into the distance before slamming back into the part of my mind I can understand,
And I comprehend
Each little voice that I hear
Comes loud and clear
But there are thousands of these little voices screaming at my brain
I’m going insane
From all the noise that happens in my mind
If I could only find
A little moment of peace,
But not silence because in silence these thoughts are louder and circle faster, pacing through my brain at double speed
And all I need
Is just to quiet down my mind,
Shut up my thoughts in a little box somewhere in